Thursday, December 05, 2013

pain

pain is inevitable.. suffering is optional

- Haruki Murakami on running, ( and an old Buddhist saying)

It had been a time of suffering.. suffering that left me flabbergasted because it was so unexpected. How come no one had complained as much as I did? I had flailed around and asked that question a hundred times, finding no answers. Because everyone validated the pain, ( everyone who had been there at least). But no one seemed to suffer.

And it was when I happened on that quote, in the context of running, that I realized with a shock, I don't remember the suffering of the runs. When I look back on my runs, most of them with far inadequate practice, and completed with ( I have to remind myself of this) much pain, the overwhelming feeling is one of giddy happiness, joy. There was much pain, on trying, I can remember it, but the suffering was almost absent.

So there it is, while the blinkers were on for the runs, they don't work now. And unfortunately its not a switch I seem to be able to toggle just like that. It helps to explain perhaps why no one complains much. They have the blinkers. I wish I had them too. But things are what they are.. and I think I will just have to be myself. Quite a long way off from the lofty ideal of the brave me I wanted to be.