Wednesday, September 28, 2011

The Dance of Intimacy - Harriet Goldhor Lerner

It was picked on m's reco. Interesting read, like a lot of other such psychology/self -help books.

It starts off by describing intimacy for the purposes of the book, which basically boils down to being oneself and letting the other be themselves. No, it doesn't sound like any relationship I know either, we usually seem pretty focussed on changing ourselves to please the other, or trying to change the other to please us.

The book then goes over some typical patterns in relationships like overfocusing vs distancing, Change vs change back, overfunctioning vs underfuncting, triangles etc. There's also a lot of emphasis paid to family, probably due to the Bowens family system adherence.

Its useful to get an awareness and perhaps some measure of understanding of these patterns and theories. However breaking the patterns is another thing altogether. I guess its an ongoing , life time process!


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