It wasn't hard back then.. I wasn't at the receiving end. It was a long time ago when mam had posed the question. I hadn't bothered to answer then.
We were in English class, madly completing our Chemistry homework. And we were in English class, and there was pending work for English as well. Our English mam was one of the nicest teachers we ever had. Perhaps the nicest. If there was anyone in class who didn't like her, I didn't know.
Yet there we all were, madly completing our Chemistry assignments.
So the question was why. As our gentle, sweet and much loved English mam asked why, someone piped up - Chemistry sir will beat us, you won't.
I remember feeling wierd as someone stated the obvious. I also remember mam asking, 'thats rather sad you know. What does that say about us as human beings..''
The question trailed away unanswered, if fear is a bigger motivator than love.. then why love at all?
All these years I'd forgotten that question. Until today. I'd sat crying for something, wondering why I couldn't get it.. wasn't I loved enough? And then , poof, all of a suddenly, I did get it, and it stuck suddenly stuck me that it was probably done out of fear, rather than love.
So here I am, wondering all over again , if fear is the bigger motivator.. if cracking the whip is more likely to get things done than love ever is.. why do we bother at all. Why indeed?
All I know is that then I wasn't at the receiving end, and somehow it hurts a great deal more to be at the receiving end.