Friday, August 14, 2009

The filial guilt trip- My rant to all you parents of grown ups.

So some stupid hindi serial ( ok i know thats unnecessary) , some hindi serial keeps getting advertised lately about kids mistreating their parents.

And here's the rant thats been simmering for the past few years where this issue is concerned. For all those parents crying about their kids abandoning/mistreating them , here's my answer - its your own fault. Lets me repeat that again, its your own fault and you have it coming.

Its your own fault that you put old age planning much behind that urge to "do the best for your child"

Its your own fault that you started out your life with "i'm living and doing everything for my kid".

Its your own fault that you expected that you could life off your kids in their prime, giving them unnecessary and irritating gyan on how to live their lives.

You know what, you had your chance while they were growing up, to give them all the gyan you needed. That was the time to do all your reminescing about how to do things, how to manage money, how to massage babies, how to plan for the future ( hah) , how to choose a lifemate, how to plan on buying a house.. you know, all of those how-tos, which you keep wishing to share when the kids are in their 30s, while wishing to sit on their heads. You should have done that, but you didn't, hoping to keep them dependent on you.

Ideally what you should have done was bring them up, drilling into their heads in no uncertain terms, that once their studies are over, they are on their own. Yes hopefully both would be around for each in emergencies, but only in emergencies. The parents money is not only their own, it would most certainly not go the children. It would go to their old age home, their favourite charity, or maybe their favourite temple ( ugh! but hey its their money) or wherever they damn well please, but not to the kids.
And rest assured that the kids would not be taking care of them and paying for them.

I know that sounds cruel and idealistic, but hey in the absence of that, whats happening now, is normal, and please don't wring your hands and make idiotic serials and movies like Baghban.

And while on Baghban, let me repeat what i said earlier, the caricatures of people aside, my sympathies are all with kids and i sure wish amitabh and hema had saved something for old age, instead of bringing up the kids with "everything they desire" and handing everything to them. If you'll do that, rest assured the kids would treat you as free baby sitters and nurses.

If you sow the wind, you'll reap the whirlwind. Stop whining.

1 comment:

byst said...

Tess,

YES! Agree with all of the above. I needed this, I was raised in the filial guilt trap and I would like to break the cycle with my future kids. Thanks!

Byron