It was good to have people I love around me, and it was great to be with him again finally, but that's about the good part.
Finally, the public spectacle is over, the legalities having been done with, a few months earlier. Complete waste of money and effort, but there was no other way.
Someone really really needs to overhaul our marriage ceremonies, they are outdated, meaningless and infuriating. They were designed for a patriarchal, agrarian society and at least I for one am not living in one any more.
And so many of our problems arise from that basic concept of marriage as "kanyadaan". That the girl is given from one family to another, rather than concentrating on the idea of two people coming together to share their lives. In my view, thats the basic idea of marriage, not families, and not future children.
Yes , we managed to avoid the actual bit of it, by literally bribing the pandit. But of course one can't escape the assumptions the world makes, and the inherent treatment of woman as an object. A precious object perhaps, but an object nevertheless. It galls me to be in the company of jar and jameen in the trilogy. The whole ceremony itself needs to shift its focus from family to the couple. It would help if the pandit did not make asinine suggestions like saying "don't scold her in front of her friends". And it would massively help if the seven vows were equal, instead of taking every damn occassion to make the girl feel like she's secondary and servile.
So for any of you who count yourself in my friends, please note the following:
1. My name ( first and last) remains what it was. So does my title of Ms. It does not become Mrs.
2. I am not automatically converted to a baby producing machine.
3. Telling me "may you have a son" - is NOT a blessing in my book. I almost puked at a beggar who thus tried to curse me.
4. I do not automatically resign my job and follow my husband. These aren't simple decisions, don't assume they are, simply because I'm the female.
5. Stop commenting on how I haven't changed, in terms of adding uselss chooda, mangalsutra, bichiya, sindoor on my frame. If a symbol of marriage is needed, its needed on both parties. Think about why. If you can think that is.