Thursday, June 21, 2007

Am I a monster?

Found something I totally totally relate with in this

I'd often spent my childhood years asking myself that exact question, and could never understand the unrealistic ( at least thats the way it seemed to me) portrayal of what a woman is and what is mother should be. Then , as now, children seemed like so much pain and trouble, which some of us are probably better equipped to deal with than others. Just like any other pain and trouble - different people deal with pain differently. Some imbibe it, some face it, some turn away from it, some turn it around. Does the fact that some people can't deal with some kinds of pain well, make them any less human? I definitely don't think so. Yes the perpetuation of the species is very important, and sure , a lot of social norms stem from that, but hey, isn't it time that we recognised it as such?

It still makes me mad when I see the women around me, some of whom I deeply admire, taking the blame for everything that seems to be going wrong with their children, aching to live up to the hallowed portrayal of "motherhood". So often they've already done enough to be considered saints, but then the standards for sainthood for women are probably much higher than men.


Guruprasad Kini (Guru) said...

Well, I read the article and it seems to be that Ms. Pande is at it again.
Not that I disagree with her comments, but her tone seems like she is crying out for war.
I look at it this way: it is true that women are generally expected to raise the kids, whether they are working or not. And it is also very true that many women end up missing out on a lot of opportunities.
But Ms. Pande, in her article, suggests no solution, no best practises. What we need is problem solvers, not fault-finders. :)
The Mother, very naturally, is a much bigger icon for most of us than the Father. All women seem to acknowledge that fact. So what exactly is Ms. Pande trying to say?

Amit Kumar said...

Not trying to relate, condone or condemn of what is written here or Mrinal Pande is trying to construe here.

This is at best angst of a women in a urban almost there developed metropolis in India and can not even ever be imagined outside municipal realms of these cities. Reason - You know better, there are other things to take care of.

I can imagine these rants being echoed throughout 80's in UK - where situation is now very simple. Society is now divided right down the middle - Children (with Nanny state on their side) Vs Single Mothers (who wanted progeny and yet did not want them)

Sorry for being sarcastic here but i do have a solution for this. For last 3 weeks i have observed one thing with pet dogs here in Japan. Owners spend thousands of yens (not much mony though) on their food, accessories, hygiene and shower affection to no end. There are dog parlours everywhere. But there was one strange thing that i noticed - they dont bark. Simple medical procedure and their outbursts are reduced to whimper for the life.

Tess said...

Two different issues here, :

2. Working women and the pressures, bla bla bla, I'm not realy talking about that and I don't think thats Mrinal's main point either. Although maybe its related to the primary issue, but it may not necessarily. . And there are a good few , done to death discussions about this "urban angst" as its being called. I disagree there too, but then thats an entirely different discussion, and there are solutions/workaround galore for that.

1. The point under discussion here, is simply this - not all human being have an equal capacity for a saintly love of children. An ideal upbringing of children probably requires superhuman capabilities, which probably no one really has. Even a realistic upbringing still needs a great deal of patience, creativity and a host of other qualities, which a some people don't have - and hold your breath- believe it or not some of these people are women!

Are they all monsters?

Some of them perhaps turn monsters, but yes I've always had a sneaking sympathy for them, and I was thrilled to see that I wasn't alone.

Amit Kumar said...

....And i rest my case :)

Ofcourse this is insane but this is UK for you.